Gaslighting

In each post, I share experiences I’m going through because there’s a good chance that others may be experiencing something similar. The universe seems to work like that. I share the truths and wisdom I’ve gained through my experiences and how they relate to anxiety. It’s through open and honest conversations about anxiety that we can destigmatize it and heal from it.

Recently I’ve experienced gaslighting, so I thought this would a good time to introduce my book Bold Trust - 6 Steps to Unravel the Long-Term Effects of Gaslighting, Unapologetically Trust Yourself, and Heal Anxiety. I believe gaslighting is the underlying cause of anxiety and since it shatters self-trust, restoring self-trust is the anecdote for healing anxiety.

I had anxiety for 20 years and my anxiety got progressively worse and more debilitating the more I lost trust in myself. Instead of listening to myself and trusting my own intuition, I was tuned into all of the distractions and narratives around me.

While trying to heal my anxiety, I wrongfully placed my precious trust in others, each claiming to be the “expert” on me. This included doctors, acupuncturists, chiropractors, therapists, nutritionists, and more. Instead, what I needed to heal anxiety was unwavering trust in myself and become the “expert” on myself. 

I wrote Bold Trust because I made a promise to myself, God, and the angels that if I ever did heal anxiety, I would share what I learned with others so that they could heal too. I have so much compassion for people who have anxiety, especially debilitating anxiety. I want others to know that they can heal anxiety and that starts with trusting themselves.

Gaslighting

My experiences these past couple of weeks have reminded me how deep-seated and prevalent gaslighting is and how it affects anxiety. The Mirriam-Webster Dictionary defines gaslighting as the “psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one’s emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator.”

Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic employed to destroy trust in ourselves, allowing the manipulator to insert themselves into a position of power and/or authority over us. The result of gaslighting is that we longer trust our own version of reality or our truth. Self-doubt settles in as self-trust is shattered, creating anxiety.

Gaslighting is disruptive and destabilizing to our minds and bodies, wreaking havoc on our mental health. It’s incredibly insidious in nature as many of us are unknowingly gaslit on a daily basis. Our friends, family, and coworkers gaslight us unconsciously and consciously whenever we go against the “norm” and stand in our own truth. We’re gaslit when we don’t accept the narrative that’s being pushed on us from other people, society, and the world. Many of us have been indoctrinated since infancy and throughout our childhood to gaslight ourselves. I’ve written about another gaslighting experience in my blog, A Weekend Victory: Adults Gaslighting Children.

 “Gaslighting is insidious and pervasive, coming from different sources such as your family, friends, clergy, teachers, employers, institutions, and society. All of these sources compete to create the narrative, and more specifically, your narrative telling you what you to think, what types of dreams and goals to have, and how to feel.” - Tricia Easter, from my book Bold Trust – 6 Steps to Unravel the Long-Term Effects of Gaslighting, Unapologetically Trust Yourself, and Heal Anxiety

In my book and on my website I define anxiety as the unconscious and continual gaslighting of ourselves to make ourselves small in order to accommodate others. This means that we are taught from a young age to ignore our intuition and to constantly second guess ourselves. So many times, we’re making choices that are not in our best interest because we’re listening to everyone else’s narrative instead of our own. And, sadly, some of the people, organizations, and institutions we’re invested in don’t have our best interest in mind, so they gaslight us. They gaslight us for financial gain, power, and/or because of their own insecurities. By adhering to other people’s narratives, we keep ourselves small so that we feel safe, and so that others don’t feel threatened.

I unconsciously and continuously gaslit myself until I was so small that I almost completely lost myself in people pleasing. Anxiety was my body’s way of trying to tell me that I was gaslighting myself and that the people around me were toxic. Anxiety was alerting me that the world I’m living in is dysfunctional and that I needed to steer clear of certain people, organizations, and institutions that were supposed to support and protect me. It was time to create my own narrative so that I could finally be free. Free from anxiety and free from the toxicity surrounding me.

My recent experiences being gaslit have shown me how deep this wound is. I have been gaslit because I am speaking my truth as I’m prioritizing my mental health. I suspect these people know the truth too but instead are choosing to gaslight themselves (and me) because it’s easier to continue false narratives than carve out a path for the truth.

We live in a dysfunctional world that wants to rob us of our voices and keep us invisible. People, organizations, and institutions gaslight us trying to dictate how we “should” feel, how we “should” look, what goals we “should” aspire to, and how we “should” live our lives. Gaslighting takes away our freedom, ensnaring us in confusion and self-doubt that keeps us trapped.

Bold Trust

Bold Trust is an invitation to create unwavering self-trust and become the “expert” on ourselves. Bold Trust ensures that in a world full of distractions and dramas, other people’s voices don’t drown out our own. Bold Trust is trusting our gut and our intuition in making decisions for our lives and for our healing. Bold Trust guides us to freedom - freedom from gaslighting and freedom from anxiety.

These past couple of weeks have reminded me of why I wrote Bold Trust.  In the past, even when it was blatantly obvious that the other person or organization was wrong, I would still doubt myself because of how deep the gaslighting wound is for me. However, these past couple of weeks, the self-doubt that usually creeps in as a result of gaslighting was still there, but instead of affecting me internally, I observed it outside of me like an ex-boyfriend I had broken up with a while ago. I knew we had dated and was over him, but I hadn’t completely forgotten him. It might take a while for gaslighting to no longer affect me, or maybe it always will. Either way, my anxiety has dramatically improved by being aware of it because I’m uprooting this deep wound and shedding light on it so that I can continue to heal and so that others can heal too.  

 Feel free to share your experiences with gaslighting in the comments section.

Look for my book Bold Trust – 6 Steps to Unravel the Long-Term Effects of Gaslighting, Unapologetically Trust Yourself, and Heal Anxiety which will be available this summer.