Dear Survivor

I feel fortunate to have participated in some online workshops about identifying narcissism and narcissistic abuse. I’ve discovered that people who have suffered narcissistic abuse frequently have health issues, especially anxiety, from all the stress. Anxiety arises because of all the gaslighting and invalidation that takes place. Narcissists frequently employ these techniques as a way for them to feel in control and protected, leaving their victims doubting their reality. Sadly, victims over time loose trust in themselves and have a diminished self-worth.

A workshop I recently attended was about healing from narcissistic abuse. One of the exercises we did was to write a letter to an unknow survivor of narcissistic abuse. I hope my letter comforts you if this is something you’re experiencing.

Dear Unknown Survivor of Narcissism,

The most important thing I want you to know is that it’s not your fault. You’ve done nothing wrong to warrant this kind of abuse. You were born into this family and they saw this light in you. This light in you that shines brightly. A light that they want. A light they think they can take from you for themselves. But they’re wrong. They can’t take it from you because it was made just for you. Claim it. Own your light, your power.

I was scared to think about cutting the narcissists out of my life, but I had to cut them loose in order to set myself free. I felt both relief and grief when I did. However, relief seems to be my stronger emotion. I have so much more energy and time for myself now. Being emotionally tied to them weighed me down and I was always walking on eggshells with them. It is better to be alone, than to hold onto them. Unfortunately, they will never change.

I strongly recommend having at least one person in your corner cheering for you. Be selective about who you choose to support you though. Not all therapists or counselors are good. I’m speaking from experience after being gaslighted by a counselor, who I now know is a narcissist herself, for 20 years. There is good support, just be picky about who you allow in.

Trust yourself. All the gaslighting and invalidation has probably taken it’s toll on you. It certainly did for me. You were right all along. Whatever gut feelings your having are spot on. Trust your feelings to heal.

It was never about you. I know this is heartbreaking to hear, but it was only ever about them. Now it’s time to put yourself first - probably for the first time. Give yourself the unconditional love you deserve.

Love,

Tricia