Anxiety Thrives in Illusions
First I want to share that my interview with writer and artist Kathryn Vercillo came out last week. Kathryn’s newsletter Create Me Free covers the “complex relationship between art and mental health, not just art as therapy, but also the myriad ways mental health symptoms impact artistic process, content, medium, and productivity.” The interview covers topics surrounding art and mental health and my views and experiences with them. If you have a free moment, I’d love for you to check out this interview.
Seeing through illusions is essential for healing anxiety, a process in which there’s no room for anything but the truth. In a world where very few people and organizations are who they say they are, it’s necessary to become skilled at seeing through illusions. Ultimately, seeing through illusions and getting to the truth, no matter how hard that truth is, will set you free. Freedom from societal pressures and the expectations of others will pave the way for you to be free from anxiety.
What Are Illusions?
The American Heritage dictionary defines illusions as “that which illudes or deceives; an unreal vision presented to the bodily or mental eye; deceptive appearance; false show.” So anyone or anything who is not who they claim to be are creating and hiding behind illusions. They are trying to control and shape other people’s narratives.
People use different tactics to create illusions. They gaslight, blame shift, invalidate, demand to be the center of attention, exhibit grandiosity, instill unnecessary fear, and more. They use smoke and mirrors to create confusion and to distract you from the truth.
What Is the Truth?
When I talk about the truth, I’m talking about your version of your experiences and reality. It’s how you view the world through your own lens. Your truth is how you feel about someone or something without second guessing yourself or giving someone the benefit of the doubt.
For example, let’s say someone gives you a piece of cake. They tell you how it’s the best cake from a French bakery that people flock to from all over the world. They tell you how lucky you are to get a piece of this cake and that you’ll absolutely love it. However, after a few bites of cake you realize you don’t like it or maybe you think it’s OK but certainly not the best you’ve had.
Your truth is that you don’t particularly like this cake and don’t think it’s the best in the world. Getting stuck in the illusion would be gaslighting yourself into thinking that it was the best cake in the world even though your feelings suggest otherwise. Your truth is your unique experience with the world (and that piece of cake).
Anxiety and Illusions
Anxiety thrives when you’re not listening to your intuition and are living in illusions. Your body, mind, and soul work as one and you have inherent mechanisms, such as anxiety, that alert you when there’s someone or something that’s harmful for you. Your soul wants to be free and anything that interferes with that will set the alarm bells off in your body and create anxiety.
Illusions cause anxiety because of the confusion and self-doubt they create. Your body, mind, and soul instinctually know when there are illusions and false realities in your life. Living in illusions will continually activate anxiety until you can see the truth because your intuition is picking up on the subtle (and sometimes blaring) clues that point to the truth. Anxiety is your body letting you know that something is off.
I have my own definition of anxiety: the unconscious and continual gaslighting of yourself in order to make yourself small to accommodate others. Illusions allows anxiety to thrive as people gaslight themselves from seeing or believing the truth.
Have you ever had a bad feeling about someone, even though other people seem to adore this person? That’s your body picking up on the truth. The tricky part is building up enough self-trust so that you trust your intuition despite the other narratives, the illusions. Trusting your intuition is the path to healing not only anxiety but to living your life authentically.
My healing journey demanded that I stop running from anxiety. I needed to tune into my anxiety and listen to what it was trying to tell me. And a big part of that was seeing through the illusions. I could no longer ignore my intuition and live in lies.
Before my self-healing journey began, I wanted to believe that the world and the people in it were mostly good. I needed to believe this because to see otherwise is shocking, horrifying, and depressing. I was more comfortable with living with deceptions because the illusions created a false sense of safety and a feeling of “all is good with the world.”
Except I wasn’t actually comfortable because I had anxiety that continued to worsen, and I wasn’t emotionally and, at times, physically safe. Anxiety was sounding alarms in my mind and body that I needed to pay closer attention because not everything was as it seemed. Many of the truths that were revealed were very painful to see, but seeing and believing my truth has calmed down my nervous system, allowing me to feel more comfortable and settled in my body.
Why It’s Important to See Through Illusions
My husband, who’s a history buff, shared some stories with me about President Ulysses S. Grant. Apparently, Grant was swindled before, during, and after his presidency because he completely believed who people said they were. This hurt him as a leader during his presidency, financially, and, I’m sure, emotionally too. Even when others shared with Grant the truth about what some of these people were doing, he didn’t believe them and instead chose to stay in the illusions. He very much wanted and needed to believe these people were who they said they were.
I get it. If people and organizations were who they claimed to be or were who I needed them to be, I’d have a lot less complications in my life. But the reality is that if you don’t look for and accept the truth, your truth, it ends up hurting you and sometimes the people you love.
People with anxiety need to see the truth so that they’re clear on who’s supportive of them and who’s detracting from them financially, emotionally, physically, and energetically. The people who create illusions do so because they want something from you, be it admiration, money, time, or power, just to name a few. Seeing the truth about people protects you, your health, and your mental health.
3 Steps to See Through Illusions
Below are three steps to help you navigate the illusions in your life. With time and practice it will become easier to spot your truth. Remember to be patient with yourself.
1. Welcome Divine Support
Ask God, the angels, or whoever you pray to shine more light on the situation or person you’re unsure about. Ask the divine for more information and clarity. When there’s a situation or person the divine wants me to take note of it seems like time slows down because I’ll see certain interactions that involve them in slow motion. Other times I’ll either hear or see messages during my meditations and sleep. Years ago, during my son’s soccer game, I saw in slow motion some parents from our team making fun of him. I thought these parents were our friends, and while it stung to see the truth of who they really were, I’m so grateful I did.
2. Trust Your Hunches
Follow and trust all your gut feelings. Rather than writing them off, explore each of them. Ask yourself “what if” questions and see where your answers lead you. My son also had a soccer coach who was always pushing for sleepovers from all the boys on the team. Even though on paper this coach seemed great, I had an uneasy feeling about him. Furthermore, my son couldn’t stand him which is unusual. Even though it affected my son’s playing time in games, I kept declining invitations for sleepovers. I trusted my intuition. During this time, I saw some of his interactions with a few other players in slow motion. While I had no solid evidence of anything, I trusted my gut.
3. Look for Confirmations
After listening to your intuition, and perhaps making decisions based on your intuition, observe any signs, big or small, that confirm your feelings and choices. It might be one big confirmation or many small ones. Each time you receive confirmation that your intuition is spot on, you’re building and strengthening your self-trust. After a lifetime of being told you’re wrong, you need to know when you’re right. I’m so glad I trusted my intuition about that soccer coach because he’s now in a federal prison for child pornography. Even though he portrayed himself as this likable guy who was involved in the community, the truth behind that illusion was that he was a creep and a criminal. Sadly, these are the truths you must be privy to for your health and wellbeing.
Your World
Just because there’s a lot of dysfunction in the world doesn’t mean that it has to be a part of your world. Being equipped with seeing through illusions allows you to remove and distance yourself and your loved ones from toxic people and environments as much as possible. Clearing up any illusions in your life makes room for you to surround yourself with nurturing relationships and uplifting situations. Seeing through illusions is heartbreaking work so make sure to practice self-compassion and to prioritize your self-care.
My book Bold Trust – 6 Steps to Unravel the Long-Term Effects of Gaslighting, Unapologetically Trust Yourself, and Heal Anxiety is now available for purchase here.