11 Secrets of Soul Alchemy to Transform Your Pain into Gold

I got my first and only tattoo when I was 21 and in college. I had always wanted a tattoo of a butterfly. During those college years, my soul chose that tattoo as a way of foreshadowing all the personal transformations that were to come. I often wonder if metamorphosis is painful for the caterpillar and soon-to-be butterfly, because the biggest transformations in my life were incredibly painful. However, my pain eventually alchemized into gold, and my version of gold is freedom from anxiety.

Shortly after I graduated from college, I started to experience anxiety. My anxiety got progressively worse over 20 years and at times was very debilitating. I withdrew from the activities that I loved because of my anxiety. It was taking away my freedom. Once I decided to bravely face my anxiety, instead of always running from it, I was able to learn the hard but necessary lessons needed to free my soul. Eleven specific steps transformed my pain into gold, reclaimed my soul, and healed anxiety.

Spiritually, the number 11 represents the reclamation of self. The number 11 is about knowing who you are, expressing yourself, and living authentically based on the book Angel Numbers by Kyle Gray.

The universe, the angels, and the divine are all one and the same for me. If you feel uncomfortable with these words, use whatever terms and beliefs resonate with you.

By following these 11 steps you can heal yourself and find the gold in your own soul.

1.     Intention. When you decide you want to heal, the universe conspires to help and support you. People, things, and situations are placed in your path to help you heal. You must consciously decide that you want to heal to trigger this. Our intentions to heal activate our healing. Things we don’t even realize we need to heal will be provided by the universe once we make that decision. Setting those intentions is like sending the universe a personal email that details what you want. For example, if a child says they want to become an astronaut, the parents, school, and other organizations will acknowledge that child’s intention and support that child in reaching their goals as much as possible. The child could be enrolled in space camps, receive a stack of books about space, and visit space museums. The divine supports us in the same once we set a clear intention. We will be guided in the direction we need to go and supplied with the tools to get there. Once I set the intention of healing anxiety, the universe gave me the support I needed to achieve that.

2.     Vision. The clearer we are with our intentions, the better our angels are able support us. We must formulate a clear vision of what our intentions looks like. Imagine what it feels like, looks like, smells like, sounds like, and maybe even tastes like. A clear vision helps you and the divine home in on your intention. A clear vision allows the universe to better understand our intentions. It paints a detailed picture of what it is that we want. The more clarity we offer, the better equipped the universe is to support us. Envisioning our intentions creates an opening, a real possibility for the healing to take place. Believing that a life free of anxiety is possible and feeling it in our bodies upgrades our energetic frequencies so that we have the capacity to do the internal work to heal.

3.     Prioritize. People with anxiety tend to put themselves last. We are stuck in crippling cycles of people-pleasing where we habitually do not prioritize ourselves. We must be able to see and identify these cycles so that we can teach ourselves how to prioritize our needs and put our mental health first. Many of us with anxiety, especially debilitating anxiety, are sensitive souls and that means that we have to care for and nurture ourselves, something we often neglect in favor of helping others. It’s important to believe it is absolutely not selfish. We must prioritize our needs and even our wants to heal anxiety so that we give ourselves the time, space, and nurturing we need to heal. We are not meant be the reserve squads, the understudies, or the backup dancers of our own lives. It’s time for us to take center stage and shine!

4.     Trust. Self-trust is usually nonexistent for people with anxiety. Each time we feel anxiety we trust ourselves less and less. Each anxiety attack we feel seems like a sign that our bodies and minds are failing us. Lack of self-trust severs the connection between our body and our soul. We no longer trust our guts and our intuition. As a result, we develop more anxiety because anxiety stems from ignoring our intuition. Many of us accept the thoughts, feelings, and opinions of doctors, friends, family, holistic practitioners, teachers over our own.

 Anxiety is a warning bell that goes off when something is not in alignment within our soul. This means we’re walking dysfunction detectors – and there’s a lot of dysfunction in this world. Anxiety is our soul’s way of screaming for our attention, to alert us to what is dysfunctional around us. When we feel anxiety, we need to shift our initial reaction that something is wrong with us to instead listening what is the intuition trying to tell us. Learning to heed the warnings our souls are trying to give and taking a closer look at who or what is around us will restore trust in ourselves and will pave the road for our healing. Our intuition is our internal compass that will always point to our true north. Listening to and trusting our intuition will steer us in the direction we need to go to heal.

5.     Foundation. Your foundation is your support structure. It’s easy for anxiety to surface and proliferate when we don’t have a solid foundation. Without a solid foundation it’s practically impossible to heal. It’s like swimming upstream – it takes effort and energy to make any progress and it might even set you back. To establish a solid and stable foundation, it’s essential that we surround ourselves with nothing less than supportive people and environments. People who want to see you do well and succeed. People who have your back and love you unconditionally. Immerse yourself in places and situations that nourish you. Implement practices that support your growth and healing. Anxiety is an indicator that our old foundation is weak and needs rebuilding. We must rebuild so it can solidly support our healing because the path to healing is rough at times. We need our support system to build us up instead of tearing us down. 

6.     Surrender. Deciding you want to change your life is scary. Even with great intentions and a clear vision, it can feel overwhelming and intimidating to think about how we’re supposed to get from point A to Z. Surrendering our fears, concerns, and worries makes space for the divine to guide us and show us the best way forward. We often think we know what the next steps will be, but a different path will often be presented to us because the divine has clear sight and can see exactly what we need for our growth. As I mentioned earlier in step two, our healing path may not look like what we originally anticipated because there’s something better in store for us.

 Surrendering is like a dance with a partner who is leading you– the universe guides us from one step to the next, smoothly pulling us along. The universe knows the dance. We’re just following in its footsteps. As we surrender our healing to the divine, our healing goes deeper and gets to the core of the issue. It’s normal to want to feel in control, but when we can release our firm grip on everything and trust that we’re safe and in good hands, our journey becomes easier and more enjoyable. We don’t have to know the next 10 steps. We only have to surrender to the divine, trust that the next steps will be given, and take that next step.

7.     Cocoon. When we’re knee deep in the process of healing, we need a cocoon. A cocoon is where the process of metamorphosis takes place. We need a safe and cozy place where we can fall apart. This place can be a separate room, closet, or even just a corner in a room. Fill this space with everything you love, things that bring you joy – art, crafts, music, crystals, cards, whatever moves your soul. Ideally, this should be a space where you can get some quiet time to sort out your thoughts and feelings as you heal. This space should feel comforting and nurturing to you because this is where you will spend the bulk of your time healing. Safely tucked in your cocoon, you will shed layers of your old self that you no longer need. Shedding these layers will make you feel exposed and emotionally naked. You will feel like you’ve turned to mush, but this stage is only temporary even though it feels like it will last forever. Your cocoon is where you will put yourself back together again. As you continue to care for and nurture yourself and build your self-trust, you will eventually feel safe and strong enough to emerge from your cocoon and share your beauty with the world. With all those layers shed, your internal light will shine so brightly that you’ll be a beacon of light for others who are ready to go through their own metamorphosis too.

8.     Pain. “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” – Rumi

This quote from Rumi nearly perfectly depicts the purpose of pain. Pain is something we all understandably avoid because it hurts. However, if we give ourselves the time and space to process our pain instead of running from it, immense personal and spiritual growth occurs. When we experience hurtful situations in childhood, as well as adulthood, we unintentionally put up a protective barrier around ourselves. That barrier serves us well. This instinctual armor we put up is meant to protect ourselves from pain. However, anxiety is telling us to ditch the shields – that they aren’t serving us anymore because they are also blocking the good from coming in and it’s hiding our true selves. By allowing the pain in our lives to move through us, we allow that pain to transform us because the truth is we can’t outrun our pain. Pain is part of living in this world and pain that is bottled up will feed anxiety. It’s scary to surrender to our pain because it feels like it will overrun us and last forever. But over time, the pain will dissipate and we will come out stronger.

9.     Worth. The culmination of all the previous steps paves the way for us to fully know and embrace our self-worth. In step three I talk about prioritizing ourselves. Even though we may now be able to fully grasp our self-worth, prioritizing our needs and wants helps to set the foundation for our self-worth. Each time we process our pain, the growth experienced on the other side helps to awaken our self-worth. Knowing our self-worth is pivotal for healing anxiety.

There are so many people and obstacles in the world that scream to us that we’re not enough, that we’re not good enough, fast enough, tall enough, you name it. These are all lies! When we can own our worth, then we can see the lies and know that it doesn’t matter what others think because we are confident in our worth. We know we’re enough. Once you can identify your own worth, you’re no longer affected by outside noise. The thoughts and opinions of people, situations, and institutions have lost their hold on you. You know your worth and the only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself. Owning your self-worth gives you the ultimate form of protection and freedom as if you’re emerging from your cocoon with Kevlar reinforced wings. 

Embracing your self-worth also means loving everything about your body exactly how it is today. It means prioritizing self-care so that you aren’t burning yourself out. It involves valuing and trusting your thoughts and opinions over others. It doesn’t matter how much money is in your bank account, how big your house is, or how stylish your clothes are. It’s about completely accepting yourself as you are now, without judgement.

Comparing ourselves to others and judging ourselves (and our anxiety) creates a feeling of inadequacy in ourselves. This empty feeling of not being enough weighs heavily on our mind, body, and soul as if we’re living in a perpetual state of starvation which happens to feed anxiety. Anxiety is created by the culmination of harsh mindsets that drag us down. Embracing our self-worth transforms the weight of anxiety into lighter and more nourishing feelings.

10.  Voice. Your voice is the most powerful tool you have in your arsenal. As you prioritize yourself and embrace your worth, you’ll find your voice - your beautiful, unique voice. You’ll use your voice to express your needs and wants. You’ll use your voice to reclaim your power. You’ll use your voice to express your soul. When we have anxiety, we must tune in, hear our voices and make them heard even when it’s scary. Anxiety is about – keeping our voices quiet to keep the peace, to feel safe, to ultimately dim our lights. Inside though, our souls are screaming to be seen and heard. Our souls must be unmuted for us to heal. 

Our voice can change the trajectory of our lives. Feathers will be ruffled, feelings may be hurt, but if you have anxiety, it is imperative that you find your voice and use it. Anxiety is a warning alarm that things are not in alignment with who you are at your core. And your voice is your tool to set things straight. 

11.  Joy. The final secret to transforming anxiety is joy. Joy is the final bit of alchemy that has the power to transmute fear back into love. When we fill ourselves up with healthy mindsets, affirmations, and experiences, we change the vibration of our bodies. This is the culmination of the previous10 steps which transmutes the heaviness and deprivation of anxiety into joyful and light-filled experiences. When we build a solid framework that supports our healing, we can safely process our pain – however that looks for us. Pain shrinks to create more space for joyful experiences.

 Envision your heart as a cup. If we regularly fill our hearts with joy, joy begins to take up more space in our hearts. The more joy we have in the cup of our hearts, the less room there is for fear. It doesn’t mean there won’t be hardships and pain. Instead, you must make a commitment to fill yourself up because you’re worth it. Embracing our self-worth reminds us that we’re worthy of joyful experiences. Filling your heart with joy will help ease the tough times too.

 If we can commit to doing one thing every day that brings us joy, fear will no longer be in charge of our hearts and minds. Fear will be gently nudged out to and create freedom from anxiety. Joyful activities can be as simple as reading a book, painting, writing, cooking, going for a walk in nature, or dancing. Anything that makes you smile, relax, and come back into yourself equals joy.

Deep internal healing is not an overnight process. True healing takes time and dedication to ourselves. This kind of deep internal healing is work, but it’s worth it. Soul alchemy is a process that will transform your anxiety into gold. What will your butterfly look like when it’s ready to emerge from its cocoon?